the week before a weekend off i often have fleeting thoughts of saturday sleeping in and all day pajama wearing-painting and collage making. sipping hot sour coffee, with honey butter toast, and a little smidgen of the darkest dark chocolate. i'd like to read in bed and watch tennis on television instead of sweating it out in the humidity. except i must get new tires on my car, oil, brake and maintanence. plus willingly spend a delightful morning breakfast with my mom & dad. dirty sweaty clothes have got to be washed and packed for my tuesday beach departure. and a clothesline checking account awaits my opening. i have a project, art list that is stacking up. and i want to, want to read my newly aquired magazines. i am all together torn up about how as an adult, time flys by, barely exists as a substantial point at all.
it isn't worth landing yet. in the midst of a short day yesterday i went ahead and ordered up a scramble of stickers, only a book. i would humbly like to add...that on the twenty ninth of this month of july, phantomcrimes will be turning 3 years old. i think i've got some three hundred and ninty six posts under my belt and well i am not so sure what else to say. have a very nice weekend you all. i may see you back here on monday. if not i'll be back in at the beginning of august.
i have felt absent from a steady life lately and only now seem like i am getting the breath and grasp on things i need. a loss of perspective creates havoc, but fortunately i had my own personal "come to jesus" meeting on monday night and i feel more settled and refreshed.
maybe it was the amount of time i had been away from my home, working all weekend and every night. maybe it has been the lymphnode swollen in my neck, causing a higher level of stress and worry. maybe in the midst of celebrating the coming of caleb i realized how life, with it's variable ups and downs, is worth it. somehow. someway. to put aside all of the small hang ups and trust that i am still on track. that caleb will forever be a symbol of hope and faith to me and my family. we long to embrace him, just as simply, the god i believe in longs to embrace me, bringing me back to life.
and so i seek refuge with the most high. and find restitution in an invisible shield protecting me. and i will still spill my entire styrofoam cup of coffee all over my desk here at work. spoiling the june calendar. i will still ride bikes in the evenings after the rx and wear myself thin with exercise. i will still wake up early to spend a few precious moments with josiah and eden tomorrow morning. i will still see coral castles on saturday, gleefully thinking how funny, my parents are finally seeing my brother aaron play out in a smoke filled bar.
i will still make circles to modpode all over a recycled ocean landscape. still my orange tree will bounce back after a long hard winter. and i am still, after a couple of weeks ever so happy about having a photograph i took, featured in friday's weekend section of the chattanooga times free, even if it doesn't credit me. i will be uplifted and set free. and reminded to cling. back to life back to this cat life. back to vunerability and security in it all. back to dreaming and playing, back to more work and more writing. back to breathing and better shampoo. back to love and hope and walking in flipflops.
the week before a weekend off i often have fleeting thoughts of saturday sleeping in and all day pajama wearing-painting and collage making. sipping hot sour coffee, with honey butter toast, and a little smidgen of the darkest dark chocolate. i'd like to read in bed and watch tennis on television instead of sweating it out in the humidity. except i must get new tires on my car, oil, brake and maintanence. plus willingly spend a delightful morning breakfast with my mom & dad. dirty sweaty clothes have got to be washed and packed for my tuesday beach departure. and a clothesline checking account awaits my opening. i have a project, art list that is stacking up. and i want to, want to read my newly aquired magazines. i am all together torn up about how as an adult, time flys by, barely exists as a substantial point at all.
