responsible waking

it is wednesday again. once a week, wednesdays come and go. humpity humpity hump. so with that here are the things i mostly enjoy looking at weekly, sometimes daily.

mule magazine

plastica

tobi wood designs

snow & graham

huskworks

the art and artist: futura

clandestina

i miss my friend kate. i miss my friend sara c. i watch the doctor's pass my hallway window talking of this diagnosis and that prognosis. i sit in my car to catch a breath of fresh hot air and listen as npr's voice, plays out physician assisted suicide. i think to myself of the condition of this world, because i have no personal family condition. i have no personal foul. no hang up, s-curves or detours. the amount of over medicated humans in this country this state. the percentage of teen sex. the webs we weave. i have to pay rent, i'll wait until the ninteenth when my car payment is due to pay it. my friend is moving to suck creek to the river. with a view of something more than the city. i am ready for a neighborhood with sidewalks. if i had a choice between being deaf or blind. i would chose the loss of hearing. i want to learn to sign-bilingually speaking. bilingually signing. universal and japanese. i won't be shooting for 4 Bridges this year. the deadline is october 14 and it must be made digitally. what the hell is that about. to big for it's bridges. no room for the measley starving f-artist. although i am far from starving.

i continue to weigh myself each wednesday. i have not lost but i suppose half of a pound. big dealio, right? i have my bike, but i need a spare tire or two. i also need a boy to fix it for me. i do not want to work on it. so i am off for today, got twenty more minutes to write up a whole big old deposit.

double helix

yeah i am back at the workforce after a nice two day off from the rx weekend. i can't say i accomplished much. i did have to work friday night, came home and watched ART:21 at eleven p.m. stayed up late writing, my grandparents and kate knutson. saturday my mom called me and asked me to go out with her. we ended up hitting up blueskies. i was happy to get a gift for my aunt cathy for her birthday. a miniature gnome!!!! so so excited. now i am looking, searching the www for the little doe/dear someone took a foto of and put on their blog, the gnome was made by the same company. okay so i could not find the company, but i will show you the deer/doe i saw at blueskies with the gnome. see here at two rabbits. i thought it was something like dexterbooks...oh well.

i bought a nice little felted wool pouch to go along with my felt wool purse from nepal. 100% woollen felt made by angel of orphans??? i am not quite sure. it's an autumn thing is suppose. i cannot deal with the scratch any other time of the year, but come fall, i'm all about the itch under the arm. the cutest purse ever must come out of the closet. i am doing a whole hell of a lot better. i am not working tonight or wednesday night at the rx, so i'll have a little bit of a break. i have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks.

first and foremost the 34/84 fest in cartersville with ole girl kate knutson. i cannot cannot wait. i had so much fun last year. i'll mos def have to get my act together in two thousand six and be apart of some of these dang art thingy's. i just have got to do this second job thing for a little bit longer or at least the amount of hours for a little bit longer.

i am also looking forward to jen kring moving back to the area with a baby girl in the tummy. lavendar zoe is well on her way and she'll be here in february. i just can't wait for that bit o' joy.

i need to buy more canvas and i am trying to think of a way that i can send lu the book i'm working on but also get a copy. for myself, for future use. i'd rather not try kinko's the old school printing ways. i haven't been working on the apron thing just not into it right now. but i did see the tie one on theme this past month was dish towels, that's cool, cuz that's what i was already doing.

my double helix your double helix our double helix.

feel good girl

once a month i have a small mental breakdown that revolves around my being a female. the unfortuante part is that i am taken off guard every single time, as if shot with a powerful drug. hormones do a body trainwreck city.

additionally i came down with a conflict with one of my siblings. an underlying, five month ago issue that never was expressed to me, 'the responsible party.' i knew that something was wrong or quite awry between he and i, but not something from a blog i posted several several months ago, mentioning his name. has this happened to you before? i did not think i had to be so so so discrete about blogging. but he said that in googling his name my "increminating" blog arose from the masses and blantantly called him out. well i found that blog and i will not apologize for anything i wrote at that time. although i will say that he was extremely hurt and pained by the incident i mention in the previous blog. so even though i did not destroy his name in the headlines he felt the need to embarass me and make me feel utterly ashamed for my expression in front of the rest of my family. i will go off here: about the grudges we crutch, the fear we wrap up in and comfort ourselves with. i am disgusted by grudges as if they were satan himself hidden in an attitude. i know it is only by god's grace that i am free from holding grudges, non forgiveness of other's actions. i have other major issues, sin in all sorts of shapes and sizes that manifest themselves in my life. but non forgiveness is just not one i truly, honestly struggle with.

the grudge takes you off guard, a low blow to gut, behind the knees. (last night, i finished a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.) finally finally finally...why has it got to end in such a way? do any of you know or understand?

i have felt an extreme amount of pressure. self imposed you could say. find a new job, find a new home, resign a lease, find time to change the oil, clean the bathtube, craft, corner the art exhibiting market, spend time with mother, aunt, and sister n law. find time to work and really work. the pressure was seriously mounting last week. thursday i hit my head several times with my office telephone. what came over me? the tragedy of being a woman, supposedly.

i also have again found solice in my journaling, the black book keeping up with my daily walk. i sit infront of the television watching charlie rose with zadie smith and nightline with dr. wood-former FDA director of Women Studies & Health. topics of the morning after pill, surviving a hurricane, autumn planting, martha stewart's new show(s), cloning like comparing identical-fraternal twins. all these thoughts running havoc on my brain.

i am nearly sick of being told how i should prepare for the worst disasters. but i am thrilled to be at home on friday nights. inspired. a new way of seeing.

ART:21 HELP ME! THIS IS TOO AMAZING! NO ONE EVEN SPEAKS OF IT! how can that be? so check it:

drawing with gunpowder: Cai Guo-Qiang

seascapes glass mirrors: Hiroshi Sugimoto

see here the black and white. he says he never sits in a boat and takes these amazing photos. dry land. please oh please do read or try and catch these episodes. cannot be missed.


i am not giving up blogging, but i may take large breaks inorder have substance to write about. no more waste and here is my spt. via hawaii and bellows beach. see the similarity.

fit to be quit

i was fortuanately informed by one fast 'tag' player that i left out '5 years ago.' the process of trying to remember five years ago seems treachorous in so many ways. but i think i'll be able to come up with something.

5 years ago: oh dear, let's see. i know that five years ago i was living at the rogers compound in a little cottage-ish apartment, that was too too too too small. but cheap and necessary for me. a safe, guiding quality. jennifer green kring was @ libre' in england and we were talking about moving in with one another. getting a house, making art, having parties, you name it. i was at that time working full time as a shift a @ cvs pharmacy. i was painting in jeff's studio space throughout the entire year, with kate. i spent many a night out a bonfire. including the holiday nights. with the terney's, english's, rudy's and um let see who else? i remember one new years, we all gathered and drank, ate, smoked and sang, we even went around the gigantic circle renaming ourselves, something more symbolic. i do not remember the name that was given to me. i just remember amy gast getting the name acorn, because she'd had a little boy, naming him oak judah.

5 songs I know the words to: i do not remember any entire songs, by memory. i listen to music all of the time, but rarely know the words or the title/track. i whistle to most any music. but i do not listen to country or oldies. if a cd player, i'll know the words, but if the music isn't playing i'm not remembering. although i have songs i constantly sing over and over again.

5 things i'd do with 100 million: tithe, buy a husband, buy kids, buy a house, kill the dj.

5 places I'd run away to: new york city to see erin petrella, atl to see kate, seattle to see sara c., cairo, and my nice big bed. horray!!!

5 things I'd never wear: a tube top, tight-rolled pants, plastic earrings-specifically hoops in bold neon colors, push up bra, and staletto(sp?) heels

5 favorite TV shows: martha stewart, what not to wear, pbs-reality shows like pioneer days or the regency, david letterman, little house on the praire

5 biggest joys: in christ, my family: my mom:carol ann, my pops:great scott, my brothers:ethan&aaron and their wives mary a.k.a m.c. and laurie coe collier
the birth of josiah james knutson on feb. 3 2003. who is not my son, but my best friend's son.
tiny tiny things all little plastic toys and trinkets
beautiful found paper/stickers or objects on the sidewalk like glass or a cool rock
the swarming starlings at dusk-that are now being sprayed with grape chemical. yikes! ban the scenic city!

5 people to pass this on too: lu

carol a. collier-must email me and i'll post the answers on my blog.:)

nubbly

i'll have to link some others later.

as for now, that is all i've got in me.

i also wanted to mention that i am indeed getting help. for my smoking. that is. everyone-georgia, matt, mom and the rest of the uoha gang are all nagging me to death. so maybe prayers are in order, and also the weight for my health has got to fly.

portrait less ness

unfortunately i have no portrait to offer this fine tuesday afternoon. all cameras have been put away for the time being, for no reason at all. except for the fact that photo-graphing anything hasn't been all that inspiring lately, including photographs of myself. in august i filled my flickr to the brim, no more uploading, boohoo, begging for a pro account. trade for a pro account, plasma or platletts for a pro account. so instead i am going to recognize the need for beautiful classic, sometimes cursive handwriting. have you noticed handwriting (cursive) not required of students today? i've just heard from the working moms. humum?

additionally my mom has written a riveting opinion piece about the goings on, on frazier. check it out here.

10 years ago: i was 19, almost 20. living in my aunt cathy's cottage for a mere $75.00 a month (conditional on being in college, which i was and wasn't). i was driving a red four door nissan sentra '88 with the back corner window busted out of it. and a transmission about to go go go. i skipped classes, dropped out of school second semester, after skipping classes and dropping out first semester. i really thought i had to go to college. i really thought studying art was going to be my thing. not a chance. i think i was working at food lion as a cashier or at the barn nursery (plants) as a cashier. i was still hanging out with my highschool b.f., marc pembroke, rollerblading, traveling to knoxville and atlanta a whole lot, i even dyed my hair blue at one point. i got my one and only tattoo of two hearts intersected, star of david style, off of a leonard cohen book, 'book of mercy.' foolish little rebellious girl, destroying herself by unrepentence and neglect. i had not started smoking cigarettes yet though.

1 year ago: ooo this one is difficult for me to own up to, just like 10 years ago. i was dating someone, thinking about moving to hawaii, getting married et cetera. working @ uoha, but not at the ole rx, quite yet. i was spending alot of time sleeping, gaining weight, crying internally over a stupid ass long distance relationship. working on the mural.

Yesterday: i woke up at seven twenty am and made coffee, ate a bowl of raisin bran, smoked 2 cigarettes. got a shower(wash, blow & go), dressed, drove to work. was around ten minutes late to work. jumped into getting precert numbers for patient scans and hospital admits, posted all charges and my payments. while amy p. is on vacation i'm supposed to cover and post her payments. yikes!!! had a good day until 4 and then everything went awry. thought i was actually going to cry for a minute, medicaid of georgia sucks ass! it is that oncology is so darn expensive and they want details details details. i worked until 6, laurie coe collier called to see if i would come to dinner, i cancelled. went home after work, laid in bed and read dave eggers and took a small nap. woke up and ate mint choc. chip bryer's ice cream. worked on a surprise for someone, cannot tell. :)

5 snacks I enjoy: sour cream & onion ruffles, cream cheese & pretzels, vanilla ice cream with sunflowers seeds, coffee-specifically folgers mocha fusion addiction, beer (but not as much anymore)

5 songs I know the words to:

5 things i'd do with 100 million:

5 places I'd run away to:

5 things I'd never wear:

5 favorite TV shows:

5 biggest joys:

5 people to pass this on too

will continue tomorrow this is enough info for one day. i don't want to kill ya'll, with this um some boredom.