unrest crests

here it is the end of the weekend at the parentals, spending some sit down time with the mom person. i had to work today, but had to get some of my mom's very special chicken salad on a plate of mixed greens. yummy. about the only meat i'll eat these days. i'm trying, have been trying for a while now to cut meat entirely out of my diet. it has truly helped shed these twenty or so pounds. i'm still above my bmi, but i'm alright with that. just gotta keep cutting out the fat. there is a blow to the head. spending time with mom, getting the rest of the family news.

ethan and mary, my brother and sister n law were out last night or maybe friday with another couple. walking along frazier ave. they were approached by a group of boys. who proceeded to harass ethan and justin about wanting to hold hands with their wives. ethan asked them to quit and as ethan was walking away, on of the fifteen boys came up behind him and closed fisted hit him in the back of the head. of course mary was upset and so was kelly, justin's wife. calling the police, filing a report and charges. shaking up the blood and making my bro-ther feel terrible. ethan has always had guns, interest only, fun shooting. he now will be getting a permit, so will my dad. shocking, but true.

i was with my friend matt around a month ago on the same street in my car. and a group of boys on the corner started yelling at us, taunting and laughing our direction. making fun, i think, being stupid. it evidentally is becoming a problem. we shall see.

my aunt's dog, tasha died yesterday or today. sad news. pets are a foreign experience for me. but i am too sad for my aunt. whose been crying.

i am in my uniform, wanting to go home. long day. also the anniversary of nine eleven. four years since my housefire too. praise god for his protection and guidance. i am so grateful. also thanks kate for the phonecall friday night. always a beautiful feeling to talk with you. i'll catch up with you all tomorrow when i'm back at the nine to five work force. yeehaw.

true's day

melmine galore! will floor you at french bull. i know you all have seen it before, but stop to smell the color one more time, just one more time. timeless, classic images inspiring a new generation of kitchen's around the world, i suppose. after my housefire i decided on melmine/melmac dishes. my aunt was so sweet to get on ebay and pur-Chase almost every line of color for me. i even have seen martha stewart's line at kmart, but alas kmart has departed from the scenic city. what shall we do?


and i do do do love this tiny little bird purse made by kelly lynn at little paper planes. i have been spending a whole lot of time adrift in the great abyss of the www. there is so much to see and ponder. a timeless gaze upon the most of everything. i found parcel. thanks to matt b and his friend anna. giving me a yellow chick from the lot.

i know i've not been about blogging, i'm too busy. this weekend is all work, no play. i'm looking forward to next weekend. until then.

more sponge

finally i must say that god is sovereign all of the time. within the frustration and the joy, in and out of my strengths and weaknesses. i am amazed and staggered. oh at this moment i cannot think of a way to help those suffering in the south. i am financially limited most of the time so contributing fundage is an expectation i cannot meet, but no excuse. i have gone to new orleans only one time.

i went about eight years ago with one digamus dawg-darren hawk. we decided to stay at saint bernard's, which by the way is under a massive amount of water, i believe. we had decided to drive through the night and get down to the city by three the next day. we went to the campground first to get a site and then to the city for dinner. we left the majority of our belongings in 'olivia,' darren's blue volvo station wagon. thinking security. walking back from dinner i noticed what looked like someone hanging out at the wheel of his car. 'wouldnn't it be crazy/hilarious if someone broke into your car?' we had heard that n.o. was kind of ridden with crime...but sure enough as we walked closer to the car, our stuff-backpacks, shoes, clothes, journals, money, et cetera was stolen or spread across the sidewalk. insanity smacked my brain, disbelief and anger. we did not know it, but we had parked our car in the freak ghetto.

...i am back, i have been away for around a week or so. had to stop in the middle of my story of new orleans. today is actually wednesday september 07. back to it. we flagged down a cop and filed a report of our stolen belongs. decided to make a go of the trip, despite the fact that we had no clothes, toothbrushes, socks or second pair of shoes or moolah (my $$$ was taken, darren had his on him). we had a good time and made the most of our experience. i fell into the green swamp and we snuck onto a huge huge huge ship like vessel, climbing a rope ladder up a hundred feet or so, walked around and found no one on the ship. i do no think i've told anyone of that. super dooper sketchy thing to do.

i became really upset about losing my journal/sketchbook. i was mad and felt like god took away something very valuable to me. little did i know he was about to turn my thoughts upside down. a few months later i was out and came home to a message on my answering machine. it was the voice of a woman, andrea who said that she and her husband we from new orleans and would be up in chattanooga @ the choo choo for a marriage conference. they were interested in meeting with me and believed they had some of my things. i flew off the handle, could not catch my breath, called darren screaming. i remember he got mad because he thought something really bad had happened to me. several weeks later we arranged for andrea and her husband jay to come visit me. i made sure darren was going to be there and sure enough they had my journal, not my black sketchbook. jay was/is a contractor, doing construction/renovation at the time on the ghetto. he said that he had noticed all of the stuff in dumpsters piling and overflowing each day and kinda knew when new stuff appeared in the trash. he noticed a book with an envelope sticking out of it, with my name and address on it. he gathered up the few things lying around the area and brought them home. they began the process of tracking me down. amazing i being in chattanooga, them going to the conference. professing believers, andrea admitting that she' d read my journal and had been praying for me. crazy crazy times!!!

so i was thinking...could i track andrea and jay down? i don't know, they wrote down their address and phone number and i did try to call, but no connection to n.o. i can't make out their last name, so i haven't been able to do a white pages search. they may have moved out of n.o. years ago, considering my time there was in 1997 or something like that. but they did say anytime i wanted i could visit. wish i could help them out somehow.

i have been sick sick sick. all i have been doing is traveling between my bed and the couch. i have gotten my fill of katrina and the despair. i am completely overwhelmed, flabbergasted by all of it. the media coverage feels misleading at times. i feel frustration with the feds, but you know i have had a whole lot of time to write in my journal. facts and quotes. i feels better than this even. yesterday i talked with jen kring and she's moving back up to chattanooga from lakeland flordia in about four to six weeks. cannot believe that bit o' news.

mom found a want ad from a job at memorial's heart institute, may apply, need to apply today. pray that i am motivated, pray that i become well enough to put together a kick ass resume. i don't know i'm most definitely conflicted by the whole thing.

this is my no waste wednesday, being at work even though i am sick. not gonna waste another sick day on this b.s. summer flu crap. i have got to forget about myself for a minute.

grief relief in sovereignty

with all that shakes, shatters and strikes a monumental catastrophy like katrina turns my stomach inside out. i am far from humbled enough. far from a healthy amount of fear for the power of christ, the almighty force behind destruction here and there. i am terribly aware of the death, but have not truly felt it until today. i cannot imagine, nor will i pretend to understand the feelings. i may have lost a whole lot of nothing in the housefire, three years ago, but i wasn't a refugee, a wanderer. my aunt offered her guest room to me for a month while i looked for a new apartment. my family, especially mom and pops helped tremendously at the time. it was devastating at the time and now i barely remember all of the feelings, except when i see and hear footage from this last weeks weather events.

one side note: while watching the weather the other night the weatherman mentioned "a great big slug of a storm approaching!" have you ever heard such a term? when did weathermen start using such profanity while predicting the weather.

i held and petted a trantula last night at a friend of a friends home. the female T. was quite pleasant and light as a feather. her name is mel mel melissa. or maybe mellie, sorta like nellie. i could not get along with a spider, much like i do not like cats or even dogs. but i would most definitely need a bird, someday. spiders have organs like humans, except their heart, brain, lungs and ovaries all seem to be about the same size. can you imagine, spider ovulation? yikes! here we are at the end of the month. i was able to finally get out a small package to good ole melissa c. funny how when you begin a correspondence with someone, you grow to be so familiar with them. much like hannah, the news of her pregnancy, bringing me as much joy, as if it were a dear family member or friend. i am also amazed at my dorkiness, sheer dork ish. i happened to have a doctor's appointment back in july, my regular gyn check up and so i decided to take my notecards, sift thru the letters, and write a few pals back. i always must wait and wait forever at dr. jones office. yuck. i don't even like reminding myself of the wait there. i began a letter to hannah and whalah! was called in the middle of the letter to a room. just slipped the card into the envelope, sealed and delievered. right there in the middle of writing, i'm sure a splendid little sentence. how dork-ish is that? so hannah shoots me and email yesterday and asks, why the mysteriousness? there is no mystery, even though i'm all about hiding and only slightly giving clues. i would like to offer my formal regrets here:( oh brother.

crafting time is coming this way. with the weekend off, or at least the majority. i'm sure i'll find some time to delve into the apron unknown again. just ask lu, what kind of a seamstress i am. dainty my ass-tronaut! all in good fun and handi-work. lately i haven't felt like blogging so much. instead i've been writing a whole hell of a lot in my "paper" journal. so much to wonder. i am amazed by life and subdued my it's incongruencies and parallel's. irony playing with irony at every corner. i am at once tired and without sleep and insomnia rules. the sirens, streetsweepers, and sidewalk conversations crowd out even the slightest urge to doze. i'll catch up come sunday. missing the craft. hopes and great prayers for grief relief stretch like we bloggers across the country to new orleans, mississippi, the gulf gulf gulf. ahh! what about cafe' de monde's? saint bernard's campground? oh well.

the weak in my tree

scientists are able to explain a trees rings when, for instance, a severe draught or period of growth has occured. i am not certain where i picked up this little piece of knowledge, probably from my gptv-pbs stations. i understand that in the last couple of days i have neglected self portrait tuesday and no waste wednesday. you have to know that i am moving in a direction. actually many directions and so time is limited, especially here.

over the weekend i became upset about issues involving an ex boyfriend of mine. i broke up with him back in december of 2004 and feel completely, that i made the best ever decision. i did not mind him calling me and i did not mind his long distant pursuit of me or whatever. although i was not pursuing a relationship with him. i have thought him lost and incomplete, too many red flags. I should have stopped talking with him altogether, but it is difficult. man at twenty nine i am still learning about standards and boundaries. it is tough, marking my territory, yet remaining open to love and vunerability. i do not miss or mourn the relationship. and i told him that i wish for his presense to be obsolete. yes the weekend provided a opportunity for me to devote some thought to my role, my ishas. i am constantly having to remind myself that god, right now, is my husband, my partner, my reason for living. i really can share everything with christ who ultimately is my best friend, a warrior with me in the battles of my life. cheese overflows, but it is all true and more comforting, knowing that i do not have to rely on a 'weak' man. i have no desire to be with someone who constantly needs affirmation from me. a man of faith needs only the affirmation from christ. this ex has no true faith, otherwise i think he'd lay off and understand his need is not in me. i have no desire to be the one to lead him, at all. i often feel too strong and don't see the strength in most men that i think is necessary in my life and in a relationship/marriage.

this is entirely too blah, to end on this sort of note. no craft, no art news. although i did feel a renewal of art interest. i made some buttons and a box, but no aprons. i need to make those aprons!!! right kate!!! okay so now i am outta here.