private eye

there are a few things that i believe i need, but can do without for now. lately i've been watching the gray fungi take over my white shower curtain. certainately i'll find one at the rx. i'd like a very new piece of furniture for my television. i am also running out of book space. so there is much to look forward to. have any of you ever heard of a www based book trade? no buying, no selling, nothing but books flooding the postal service system. i might think about trading books with any number of you. i'll enjoy reading anything except for romantic pulp. hit me up if you're at all interested. i'd like a portable record player too. jas told me about a japanese yellow and orange portable player. oooo & aaaaa.


the world of materialism could quickly rub me out o' biznaz. don't get me wrong i am really happy with what i have. but i'd like to have a studio. i'd also like to know how to iron wax on canvas, before/after painting/collage. for hannah: in the past my friend fenn and i use to exchange collage pieces. all kinds of incredible pieces of paper to put back into our work. i also used to go to thrift stores and pick up old highlight's magazines or children's books. one thing i really want to do is work on a diorama. but h. if you find paper that you really like you should dip it in wax. old photos look cool after being dipped in wax too. and if you are still struggling to make good on collage, try working in one color. color themes are really nice, monochromatic collages. yum to tum.

yesterday i got paid and went to lupi's for dinner last night. phish was being played on the overhead. blahblahblah. i'm not a jamband fan. but i sure do like the badplus. and iron and wine was on last call with carson daly. i have dropped the photo collage for a minute. this weekend is project X. what about dj P.eye?

for what its worth

if i could pick the photo of the day. this would be it. i'm no critic or i'd take better photos myself. the rollers in her hair remind me of chinese handcuffs. i have made mention of this photographer before, so you've not gotten off without a sneak peek at his work.

i fail to mention the most important things. who wants to read my daily soapbox scratch n sniff. back in december, actually on my birthday, i received an eviction notice from chattanooga neighborhood enterprises inc. i knew the letter was coming and each day i literally asked for gods mercy, in the midst of my complete irresponsibility. there is definitely no financial crisis that is too big. to say the least, any self glorification of how this matter is resolving itself, would be a lie. i have mentioned my new rx employment and financial matter with the parentals, but honestly, until i was on track, relatively speaking, i had no desire to write about it all. i'd like to blame my depraved circumstances on someone or something other than myself, but hell, what would i be saying about myself. i'd rather fail and pick up the pieces than fail and say someone else made me do it in the first place. habits are created from conception it seems, but they are breakable and can be overpowered. granted i'll probably never be able to stop smoking as easily.

the point being that ever sense 12.23.04. i have felt a drastic force, a massive heart pounding in my chest. a mental strength, a spiritual and emotional conquering of all circumstances surrounding me at this time. a desire to fall apart and be about falling apart. no reaction to the fall, just submission to the fall. i imagine that a great battle is being fought and that the h.s. is melting the cold heartedness i will live, learn, and flourish through.

at the time i wasn't looking for a spiritual upheavel or high. nothing of the sort sounds pleasant to me. but after seeing how god provides for me in the midst of my sin i must not hesitate to say so.

for what it is worth i am going to be here. as much as i have felt like it, my life hasn't been turned upside down for nothing. and so what if my life stays upside down. my art may not be worth anything, my job performance might not be worth much, my thriving and failing relationships may not be worth much. it is kind of like the christo&jeanne-claude story this morning on the radio. critics say their art is worthless because of its hassle. the massive monstrosity of their work frustrates people. but if you listen you'll hear christo say that it is about the process. from beginning to end. how beautiful.



i read this book once that jonathan gave me called the process by brion gyson i'm not sure if it applies well to my point or that i even read it with comprehension but it is yet another suggestion.

the death of

feminism. "Feminism-what started out as a noble institution to give women the right to vote and participate in all facets of society has turned into a hate-mongering, man bashing (and as my last article proved, sometimes literally) egomaniacal, elitist institution that has done more to oppress women than that dreaded patriarchy could ever dream of. In fact, feminists are a male chauvinist’s dream-they do more to destroy women then they ever could! Of course, this is simply my opinion. Considering this site is called defendingtruth.org then most assuredly I should back up my opinion with some truth. Has there really been a decline in feminism or is that simply wishful thinking on my part."

how many other women out there find feminism to be less than what we want? feminism falls short of what we were created and put on this earth to do. it is exactly as Dena Leichnitz puts it in her article. i haven't found that many other females think about feminism, nor that they care. they are just as unaffected as the next person. the incalculable damage being caused by...feminism. yet there are these sorts of thoughts that i appreciate as well.

there is so much i want to share and reiterate so here goes:


"A British street artist known as Moose creates graffiti by cleaning dirt from sidewalks and tunnels -- sometimes for money when the images are used as advertising. But some authorities call it vandalism.

Moose, whose real name is Paul Curtis, tells NPR's Steve Inskeep that he got the idea when he saw that people had written their names with their fingers on dirty tunnel walls in his hometown of Leeds. Moose does some freehand drawing, but also uses the grid from wall tiles to create perfect shapes and letters.

The tools are simple: A shoe brush, water and elbow grease, he says."

i also wanted to show you this. have any of you heard of loopsuppa? these people and whatever they are doing, art/music. seems fairly inspiring to me.

and for now that is all i have to offer.

got poison

i am totally bad at this, maybe a blog flogger or blog-rex parasite. admittedly i have not been near a computer that can feed my flickr account with brand new photos. i'm limited technologically to the point where i'm sending, trading things out with fellow craftsters and wala...stealing their photos of my work, turning them out here. i feel it is a little backhanded or a stretch. i do love the buttons i sent up to hillary though. i really can't wait to see how she uses them.

this past weekend seems a blur. fine grained blur around the corners. friday turned into a whirlwind. after work i babysat which was nice. i was supposed to go out to dinner, but my friend got sick. instead bethy came over, exchanging hilarious stories over heiniken. saturday was my first day at cvs rx. all and all it went very well. nothing has changed about policy and procedure. i needed a four hour shift to reacquaint myself with o' regis-TAR.

saturday i was going to go to atlanta to visit with the k. family but i hadn't planned on working saturday and missing the party. i also didn't think about laundry and moolah for making the trip down. i also knew that i needed to be back on sunday before five p.m. all of this to say, my disappointment was great. i feel i must've missed a hearty k. fam get together. i know that right now in my life sacrifices are going to need to be made. i have been given a long rope with slack in it to work with but specifically my parentals are not going to be patient with me very much longer if i do not get a move on. in addition to working at the rx i maybe picking a shift up here and there at blueskies. i'll be waiting to hear from them though.

in regards to the aesthetics meeting, i've been asked to draw up two plans for the room. i've actually never done anything like draw up a design for renovation. but the room is in dire need of improvement. it is used for music people, music instruments, boxed music, copy machine, and pre-sermon pastors chamber. it is used for multiple functions and it is rather disgusting. i have two weeks to do a simple design idea. i don't have to worry about the budget or anything like that, but there has to be a focus before we go in and just start buying stuff and painting. it's interesting to find myself involved at new city. i am enjoying it. i'm looking forward to the challenges ahead. there's also opportunity for me to grow here. i was confronted last night with all of these thoughts about how believers are usually the first to admit their sin, but it's funny to see how the sin in each of us manifests itself.

last week was a horrible week for me at work. i concluded that it was the poison in me. the sin that corrupts even my best attempts. the attempts that seem selfless and purely motivated at first but turn without me knowing. i thought the conflict at work was good because it meant less emotion under the rug. it meant something productive might actually come from all the destructiveness. i also thought that if i wrote a letter to my coworker, apologizing and recognizing my sin, she'd forgive and forget. instead she misread/misinterpreted the letter and i was left crying for an hour. it's not enough to know about the poison, it is not enough to repent. sometimes the reaction of others towards you is with you all of the time. i have a difficult time dealing with shame. an insecurity about who knows what, about me, that sort of thing.

unfortunately i am going to miss the bible study this week, but there again a sacrifice must be made. i think if god wants me in a b.s. he'll provide a way.

there is much gratefulness to each of you who are of great encouragement and spiritual strength to me. there are few words to express my sincere delight in each comment and word you have brought forth. i am constantly blessed in this life. this forward motion.

archeology digs

last night was different than things have been lately. i wasn't up for very much and so i found myself frantic, when everything started down the unexpected road. i left work in a hurry to get home. i've been awaiting news, from 4bridges. sure enough it was in my mailbox. but with an unfortunate non-acceptance letter. honestly, a no BIG surprise. i didn't think i'd get in but i wanted to try and try anyway. i had been looking at the artists chosen in past years and i didn't feel my work fit in. the big picture has no space in it for collage like mine. i also know that my work isn't a unified body and it must be difficult to grasp. it's not like i have one idea and stick with it. there isn't one theme, one medium, one stroke, one hypothesis. my work is experimental and at times too bright and abstract. i don't know that people find real depth in my art and that's not because it isn't technically good or that i don't spend much of my time with a piece. i think it's because you won't beable to see layers of work in a slide. you won't get my artist statement fit into a thirty word descript. regardless the @ home exhibit is on. the evening might just be called 'at home with the artist.' who knows but look for details to come. i'll be working to frame pieces finished and getting plaques via jas. i'll have invites going out when i decide on a date when i'm not working.

i am working at cvs rx tomorrow for the first time in quite a few years. it should be interesting. i find the idea brilliant, no more free, uninspired time on my hands. have anyone of you noticed the nice broadcasting on pbs lately. especially the evenings. man, i don't feel guilty about watching any of it. there was a special on regarding ireland and tracing mankind there. under large hills they'd bury their dead. like this
what an amazing story. how can you not love the history of man. the ritual the practices all it. i'm amazed there are people who, today, bother to think about the past and have found things in their journeys and discoveries. i think i want to do everything. everything there is to do. sounds insane. i want to climb the largest mountains, walk and sail around the world, fly a jet plane and oh so much more. i don't feel urgency or even a extreme motivation, but the intrigue is definitely there. my friend came up with a new dj name for me. so far i've got, dj mini mart, dj for an hr, dj durta laundre', and now dj catskillz. i joke all the time about being able to spin out some intella-inde hiphop. i have seen some females that scratch em up though. amazing work.

i'm trying to think about what else is new news. i'll catch up later. outta here.