on letting go::splattered building trees II

it is not often after completing a piece of artwork that i must immediately say good-bye and deliver it to its future owner, its future audience. it is usually the case that i have time to let a finished work grow on me, it has time to speak, time to talk and give back meaning. after completing a commission for a client, there's no time for me to grow with the work and become comfortable with it. even within correspondence between the client and myself about the work, a small empty feeling begins to surface. i am thinking now, am mindful of the fact that i have never tried to put this feeling into words, it feels awkward and vague to me to even try. for those of you who have lived to produce work and immediately turn it over, you might better articulate these feelings. i think i can mostly express what this feeling is not. it is not fear or anxiety, it is not even a feeling of selfishness. it might feel like conceiving a child, birthing, then watching the child take her first steps, or sending her to school for the first time. the feeling is one of joyful anticipation, a nervous chatty giddiness. it feels uncontrollable and full. it feels hopeful and restless. and when the art work has been delivered, handed over and it is known that the piece has found it's place, there is space enough for peace there for me. even if for just a fleeting moment.

i know very little about how it is that i am to let go, if in fact there is even a process or method to it. it may after all be impossible to fully let go. there is a part of me, the artist, that never leaves the work, i am in it and it is in me. my work and i go on forever inseparable, right? it is something to have a piece of art, a product of my own hands, have it hang on my walls for many weeks and months. to have time to dissect the work, define and refine it in my mind, even if i have literally finished the work. a finished piece that remains in my possession has time to give back, it has time to teach me a little bit more. i see how it is for many artists who strive and thrive off of having a work, always in progress, so that in a work always incomplete, one is always free to rearrange, reorganize, rework the work. of the few pieces of artwork, that remain in my possession, there are just a couple that i'll never look at again, never attempt to figure out, work out or learn from. they could be added to the thrift store pile for all i care. if i had to go back and rework these pieces, even if i felt like i had to go back, i think i would go mad. but the idea of letting go of work too soon is a conversation i am sure i'll continue to have with myself. it might just be that the art itself has the answers. i feel like that might just be the case with ::splattered building trees II::, that it has had it's fill of me and is ready to give something to someone else. i know in the midst of creating this one work, that i have begun to experience a desire to move away from creating/painting trees. i've begun to feel like i may want to make something different. this feeling too, is one for another days thoughts and a new unmarked canvas. time is my friend in this regard. there is no rush to make something that is not there inside of me already.

i have started the year off strong, i think, if i may say so. the opportunities have been great and more than what i could have imagined. though i feel more than ever the direction and path is clear. i have another piece, a work in progress, that i have had to put on hold for many months and plan to complete it in the next week or so. i am looking at the months before me and considering all of the many options. a couple of weeks ago i was notified, that my proposal for the On The Fence design competition had been chosen, one of eight other artists or artist teams in an urban public art competition. i am working with my friend, graphic designer, on the finishing touches and will have the piece ready for the print company next week. my plan is to install the work on a length of chain link fence, two hundred feet. the work will hang for a year and is my contribution to my neighborhood. my hope is to share my proposal, my work in progress, and a photo documentation of the installation in just a couple of weeks. i have seriously-seriously dreamt of having my work in the large, in public, on a wall or fence, since i think i saw my first real graffiti. i am so excited! and have tried really hard to contain some of my enthusiasm, because i wanted a big reveal so to speak. but thats all besides the point really. i feel exceptionally honored to have been chosen as one of the artists.

i am also thinking about showing in the fall. there are, as i said a few options, of which i would love to participate in each, but time will tell. i also still have in mind, to share my list of 34 things i do before i turn 35. so there it is. a longwinded update. i hope, my friendly readers, that you have a great weekend. soak it up!

::splattered building trees II::commission::

whew! completely finished filling in this painting last night, calling it ::splattered building trees II::. it was too late to take any photos last night, waiting on the sunshine. all that i need to do is add a little more value into the foreground and around the trees so that these things become a tad more distinguishable. this piece has given me so many new ideas and i look forward to attacking something new very soon. i have maps and constellations on the brain. and am considering, really thinking about putting the trees to rest for a bit. i have a host of other things i'd like to share as soon as i turn over this piece to my client. so please feel free to continue to visit. have a great week and i'll be seeing you soon!

::aimless walk 010110::

on new years day, katie and i took one of those aimless photo walks around our neighborhood. it was in one of those rare spontaneous moments that we found ourselves outside on a frigid but bright day, the first day of the year. a day that seems so long ago, already. i can barely remember what we talked about and if it weren't for the photos, i would have already forgotten about the time itself. i remember now, thinking then that we better take pictures of things we liked a whole lot, because it wouldn't be long before the new would be replacing the old. so much in our city has changed since we were teenagers, it's often difficult to imagine our city without the nice new things it has now.

behind my apartment building is a european volvo mechanic shop. it's the kind of place that looks dirty, rusty, overgrown and slightly out of place. except for the front door, the bottlecap awning over the entry off the sidewalk, i don't think i would have paid it any closer attention. it is this very shape that i love, that i wish i could add to my own dream home (one day), that i wanted to make sure and capture, in just the right way. it just feels so perfect, along with the stucco textured building surface, it makes the corner for me.

aimless walks isn't a new idea, hulaseventy may have the practice down like a real master. i had to add it to my list of many things to do. more specifically, and yet to be revealed, i added aimless walks to my ::34 things i do before i turn 35:: list.

today just seemed to be the day to share a little bit of my first day of the year. i took many more photos on 010110, and hope to share them sooner, than later. i took a walk today, between my place and the convention center. the weather has yet to warm, but the sun was shining and it felt like maybe more aimless walks were actually going to be possible, its just been a terribly surprisingly cold winter. even though i've enjoyed aspects of it being so cold, i'm eagerly anticipating the warmer months. i admit it!

::a major::

january and february hit hard and in a very nice way. i had no idea the first weeks of the year would have looked and felt like this. i remember telling my mother before the new year, that i would need to spend some serious time mapping out my year. that if i didn't, i'd find myself in a canoe without any paddles. in january, you may recall, i completed a self portrait for the :not you: self portrait show in atlanta. i am glad to have had this opportunity, for the chance to create a self portrait, to take two atlanta trips with two of the greatest girls, to show amongst a wide variety of artists from all over the world, to meet travis and see his art in real life, and to eat one of the greatest breakfast. (more breakfast to come in the new year! a promise i've made to myself.)

i began the new year, as many others have, deciding spontaneously, to try and take a photo everyday for the entire year. come to find out my own 365 project, seems to have been exactly what the doctor would've ordered, had i asked. i'm a challenged non photographer. only a small percentage of my artistic self, desires to delve into the world of photography. i don't think there are any photography classes in my future and i am not sure i'll ever get my 35mm fixed or if i'll sink a few hundred dollars into a new digital this year. i'll never say never and could never have imagined how wonderful and immensely fulfilling this experience has become. i figure it's the best way i know how to record the year, a memory maker, that is so simple. i'm not going for anything big here, just mindful everyday of the journey.

at the beginning of february i was asked by the ensemble theatre of chattanooga to create a specific piece for 'mixed media:art inspires theatre inspires art'. i was given one of four plays, to read and then create a piece specifically representing the play itself. the artwork is then displayed in the performance. i decided to paint a tree within a house; title of the play: the dollhouse. i plan to see the show on april 1st. i was so excited to have been asked, couldn't believe it! and really am thrilled for all those involved. i needed to give a description of my planned, finished art, this is what i sent them for their review;

The Art Work is actually 24"x48" on gallery stretched canvas.

With all my work I cover the canvas with a layer of tissue paper, in strips of different colors. For this piece I have covered the canvas in a range of light pastel colors; pink, yellow, silver, brown and gold. Over that layer I have covered with white tissue paper. My goal is to make the color look human and fleshy.

The piece includes a house, inside the house will be a large tree. The tree will be crashing out of the house, 'busting' through walls and windows. The piece will be abstract but it will be obvious to the viewer that it's a house and a tree. With all my work the color of the tissue paper is typically the only color of the piece itself. The surrounding applied paint is dark, either grey or black, very neutral compared to the lighter background. The idea is that the house and tree will glow in a positive way and that the surrounding dark paint might fade out into darkness. The piece is very geometric and highly refined, so it may actually look as though it is a print or large computer graphic. There are many layers that may not be obvious from far away but the closer one comes it becomes clearer. So an audience will experience seeing something rich and deep and not have really any idea of how it was constructed/created.

The house and tree both represent a different kind of life, a different kind of living, different kind of love. The piece itself will represent the destruction of traditional family structures (the perceived and man made or built) and values. The house with walls represent a confinement, spoken and unspoken rules and roles, comfort and love too, with a roof and walls to protect. The tree also represents life and love; a symbol also of procreation, masculine (fraternal) strength (whereas when thinking about house/home you think maternally). The house is preventing the tree from growing, thus the tree is 'busting' out of the house. But the irony is that the tree is destroying the house from the inside out. Even as the tree represents a love, between these two men, the tree is hurt because of the house in it's way of growing but the tree is also hurt/damaged because of itself. If the tree decided to grow less or keep it's love to a minimum and not try so hard to be like a house (or like traditional love, by trying to have a family, a child), but different, then it would be fighting, it wouldn't be hurting. It seems the tree is trying to hard to please itself, creating something it's not ready for, not built to do or created to do. The house just won't crumble/fall, thus the conflict. So the piece is universally appealing with soft and hard suggestions.

i have also had the opportunity, to submit a proposal to the city of chattanooga; parks & recreation, for the ::on the fence:: design/urban art competition thing(y). i had only one idea, presented it to my brothers, asked my talented friend nano to help and sent it off last friday. i'm keeping my fingers crossed, ought to be notified in a couple of days. as soon as i find out, yes/no, i'll post up my idea, drawings/plans and a graphic work in progress.

and last but not least, started a new commission; which is due march 19; to look like ::splatter building trees:: but a whole lot bigger. i've got only one other work in progress which i hope to finish up before the end of the month. then i'm thinking some brand new stuff is in order. april is going to sort of be a vacation month anyway, will be heading to asheville to celebrate a family birthday.

and i promise to keep you posted.

oh nine::{stuff} addictions list

my oh nine {2009} included a massive amount of stuff. stuff needed. stuff wanted. family stuff. work stuff. art stuff. friend stuff. learning stuff. visioning and revising stuff. getting rid of stuff. buying stuff. giving stuff and getting stuff. all kinds of different kinds of stuff encompassed my year. it's funny, stuff, that is. it either represents who you are or who you aren't. or both. we think about stuff and eat stuff. we'll stuff stuff and will use stuff to get more stuff. sometimes we have collections of stuff and other times we're about avoiding stuff. we're made of stuff and stuff comes out of us that we thought we could ignore. stuff turns us into monsters or buys us time. i've not seen it but there's a story about stuff. i think i am thinking about a different kind of stuff, not just the stuff i consume, but the stuff that consumes me. so it maybe ridiculous to some that i'd come up with an oh nine::{stuff} addictions list; meaning the stuff i will admit to being addicted to, let that cat out of the bag, though not completely and not without keeping some secrets.

i thought about creating a list of twenty six things i'm addicted to that each begin with the letter of the alphabet. i'm not going to. although, just out of curiosity i'd love to see what any of you, my meager readers, come up with. i may try it one day but today is just not that day. i am eager to get the list started and finished.

i am addicted to:

really really really pretty cheap paper napkins {as seen above}

flickr

twisting my hair when it is soft

purses to carry important stuff in

making art

cigarettes

afternoon naps

learning something new everyday

reading every night

the power of prayer

potato chips

craft and art paper, tissue paper, pads of paper and paper work

my nieces and nephews

great moments of solitude, though few and far between

writing personal notes or letters

small things

light, oh light. winter, spring, summer and fall light. lamp light and sunlight. moonlight and street light. hot and hazy light. light in color. i love light.

trees

people watching

baking chocolate chip cookies

the snooze button

so that about wraps up this list. i started to write something about love, about being 'addicted to love' and then i thought better. i just didn't feel like that's a subject of addiction i'd like to explore tonight. and not because i don't think love is great. it's just so complicated and addicting. for another time.

goodnight.