oh the deep deep love

the extraordinary view from the tenth floor of the volunteer building swallowed me whole. i cannot seem to put the words together and make sense of all the grace. grace is often overwhelming, unexplainable, but so needed. on tuesday i took the day off, took pleasure in celebrating my relationship and friendship with my mother. she called me early halloween morning to tell me that all of creation was declaring the glory of god! it was exhilarting to walk around my neighborhood with her and see all of the cool things going on. i am so privledged to be where i am at in life. it isn't always just about the blessings, because blessings come in different sorts of ways. blessings come whether good or bad surrounds you. lately, i have struggled with my perspective, focusing on the sour scenery around me. but the day before yesterday, and last week and all of these small moments combined have given me another chance to change.

i haven't been creative, i mean only a tad. i am working on my first christmas card exchange. the week after next-they've got to be finished. i am heading off to new york in five days, only five days! i think new york is going to be good for this mind of mine. these meaningless boxed up burden's, forget and surrender to a different city, another flow. i can't wait to see my friends, spend countless hours with two dear friends, my sister's and rediscover a place, a very cool, very hip place. last night mc and lc and i went to tony's for dinner. wine. pasta. yum. we're going to hit up the bodies exhibit on wednesday! and many thanks to shashi for the glorious amount of info sent my way. we plan to use much of your inspiration and direction shashi! i cannot wait to shop, and maybe for christmas. when i get back i'll have a ton of photos and a ton of work to catch you all up on. until then...

from where i sit as a dweller

last evening i was invited and attended the very first tenant association meeting for the residence of the building i live in. this month has been filled with several different apartment life duty's, including my apartment inspection, my recertification and now this, a meeting. i passed the inspection, i was recertified, and the meeting was well, interesting. evidentally cne (chattanooga neighborhood enterprise) is trying to consolidate some of their properties and management has changed inorder to collect. with all of the southside developement the area of downtown is changing rapidly and cne needs help holding on to the grand. it has a realm of potential but myself and other residents have got to take action, become one voice, one responsible living association. i have lived at the grand for five years and have had very few problems. i could tell that things were falling apart, until a couple of months ago when cosmetic renovations began to occur. the building seems to have grown in both security and tenancy, so i think i'll stay and feel good about it too.

i find my comfort in this large enough apartment. i have a ton of cabinet, counter and floor space. i myself am due for more of that sparsing down though, but have gotten really good feedback from the new management and from my fellow dwellers, that my apt is one of the nicer ones... my neighbors are kind and friendly and the bustling amounts of activity give me a feeling of well pleasant anxiety-thrill. come to think of it i haven't called the police in quite some time and i haven't observed or heard any major disturbances lately.

in the evenings when i'm not working i like to heat up some coffee and make a fresh pot of popcorn. i work on my paintings and collect ideas from fashion magazines, like delia's and urban outfitters (dorkiness). i like being at home, i feel fortunate and really apart of the cities population that cares. it's funny how much i felt like i was back at a dismas house meeting last night, back in the seat of a minority, back in the seat of a little white girl, attempting to figure out her place. times change quickly i often will think and over analyze my life to the point of self destruction, i feel that i might really be missing out on something big. but those feelings aren't true when you look around at my apartment. the truth is i am thriving, i am resting, i am working, i am living. my apartment is proof of my priorities, my place, my refuge. i dream of home owning and husband, and maybe children, i dream of publishing a book of my own art, i dream of parties and nieces and nephews, i dream of a faith that isn't as cowardly as i have become over the last couple of months. i dream of financial peace and in all these things i am challenged and might come back to anger to save me, but it won't, it can't.

i find myself always making "happy", "bright" art-paintings, collage, and doodles. it's funny because i'd define my personality in a fairly dark way, not so trendy to be dark anymore is it? i may go to the pallette and canvas in tears, but there's never a dark self portrait or a dark underlying tone. my hope is that i never stop, i'm always pushed and that i'm not seperated from my maker because of self pity or absorption. taking a real look around me, reminds me that i am apart and that i have nothing to fear. and i too may join my friend kate to fast once a week in an effort regain the practice of devotion, to letting go of frivilous obsessions, and faithless actions. that's alot for today.

SPOoKs

each month the office manager gathers and creates the monthly schedule and calendar. i won't be participating in this years halloween events at the doctor's office. i'm taking the whole entire day off and i'm looking forward to it. in the last little while i have signed myself up for two very exciting swaps, both of which have everything to do with christmas. first is nikki's christmas postcard swap. my last postcard go around with nikki's swap turned out to be really quite fantastic! i started a large postcard-scrapebook soon after that swap, so that i could organize the beautiful cards and use them for inspiration. i've got a couple of ideas already and can't wait to start, so keep your eyes peeled. the second swap i am going to participate in is a little different but super cool. it is one that i just heard about today and thought i could manage a great big ornament idea! check it out here: cake+pie, it looks as though a ton of people are going to be participating, which makes the variety so much better, so much more interesting. see news here: freshly{blended}. what's better than a co-organized christmas ornament swap? i may actually make more christmas gifts this year if i'm already crafting for these swaps. i just thought and am completely inspired by jen's beautiful handcraft pieces. spy them here! anyway, i've got a whole lot to begin, but i'm up for the challenge. i'm working this weekend and have been working every night this week, so the energy has been on the low. have a brillant weekend fellow bloggers. and um i've got to shout out to my mom and dad, their 32nd wedding anniversary was yesterday, this is huge! amazing! my mom and i ate to "celebrate" at tony's. yum!

late.night.early.morning

last night i took a break from the mailorder halloween decor projects to work on the pretending tree. as far as i can tell i'm getting closer to finishing it and feeling fairly good about the progress. i stayed up too late trying to get the very best photo, only to be disappointed and in the dark (literally, because it was indeed night time) about the lack of good daylight. i felt myself slipping into the black abyss of meaningless photo shooting. anyway this is what i've got along with a few more to go along with my efforts at or in my flickr account. feel free to comment. i'm looking for that constructive crit.