up, up & away

saturday afternoon was a blast, probably the highlight of my weekend. friday afternoon i picked up my work at framewrights. oh at that point i was completely overwhelmed, but crazy excited about seeing all of my finished art. i mean really finished. no more going back to fix it up, touch it up, spruce the edges, corners or colors. it is nerve-racking, i changed the top left hand corner of one growth at the very last minute, changed the car to a bicycle. does it look to sloppy compared to the rest of the painting? justification? snowy outside blur. burrrrrrr... and then there's crimepays, now framed but very nearly not finished. yuck. so i'm going to stop bashing now because looking over there still makes me tingle and shiver with delight. don't you just love the red walls. everything is for sale kids, a total of twelve works. gosh guys, the work is all new too! really i am quite serious. when i finally sat down to do my title cards, there are only two pieces pre-housefire 2002. everything else was finshed in 2005-2006. i had no idea. now that all my art is out of my apartment i can start some new things.

i did get a chance to work on the precious little mailorder via amy at kingpod. it is so nice to have a break from my own stuff, fresh little bits and bobbles to work and play with. please check out the rest of my pics at flickr. i'll post more later.

letting him

well all in all i succeeded in putting together a nice display for my cards. i ended up exploring the whole eyelet thing, which i am not so sure i like quite yet. the reason being that it screws up the cards a little. just a little, no one will notice. but my stampin' up pal and coworker, georja said i might have gotten a defective eyelet kit/punch. so i'll be bringing it into work on monday for her to check out. i did take a few photos of my display. i happened across a cigar store in cartersville back in october and bought a whole lot of boxes. if anyone wants one or two, let me know. so i'm going to collage a small one up and use the yellow plasticicky divider thingy (for cigars) to separate my cards. look fairly nifty.

i really am hoping that this opportunity at mojo pans out financially. i think i could move on creatively if i could actually get rid of some of the old stuff. i think that is why i have given so much away in the past. the prices this go around should be fairly reasonable. between $30-$300 dollars. mojo dude, tim is damn cool, he won't be taking a percentage. pray pray pray.

i have been feeling insecure lately, feeling blah. trying not to smoke as much, so instead of the brand cigarettes, keeping it simple with basics, i have moved back or on to rolling. i indeed smoke less in a day, around 6 or so. and very rarely finish a whole cigarette. it is so mentally challenging that i feel i might burst. shout angry words. spit and tear out my hair. i realized that so much of my identity is wrapped up in smoking. when people first meet me, they are typically shocked to find out that i am a smoker, they say, "you don't look like a smoker." that's bizarrio, i mean what does a smoker look like? but i have truly enjoyed the smoke for close to ten years that giving them up feels terrible. i have also been struggling with going completely vegetarian slash vegan. i feel like if i go completely vegan than i'll cut off the entire world. places like tony's pasta, ice cream, et cetera. i want to make these changes in my life and i have really been finding joy in it all when it comes to the smallest things, but the big things are still catching me in their nets, between their teeth. i have not particular reason for quitting meat or animal biproducts, except the hormone thing, and hell as i told my mom, "i wouldn't eat her, so why eat another once living thing." i am becoming more sensitive to what i put in my body and really it has nothing to do with faith or whatnot.

i am down to 142 pounds. i'm on track with the 2 and 1/2 pounds weekly. i think. i've got another twenty five to lose. i really want to see this happen for myself, not for the moolah or for the fame. just to continue to feel better about myself.

i have been struggling with other things too, but i know what god desires of me, my heart and mind. i really want to be happy with things. i want these new items, like the camera, but it takes working two jobs to get some of these things that i've always wanted, since way before my housefire. i also think that having a new computer, a new camera and such will help in my artisitic endeavors. i wonder if i am just working so much that i don't have the time to find happiness. i mean i knew these weeks of 58-60 hours would be difficult, but physicologically i must rely more heavily on support. i must say again how i am looking forward to the weekend. hope to have many new pics when i get back or i'll post before it is all over.

pic above was another taken at the choochoo with canon SD450. love it even more today. please remind me of the hope, the love, the joy o god.

here there & everywhere

things i love...


under the surface of my life, there are beautiful places. to get through a difficult day or week it is vital that i create. just the other night i went shopping for a camera. i've already got a 35mm canon but have so wanted, so waited, worked two jobs for over a year now to get a really really really nice digital camera. a canon. horray a canon. so here it is: powershot SD450. so in my free time last night i went to one of my most beloved places here in chatt. right across the street to the ole' chattanooga choo choo and took a whole bunch of photos of the coy. this one was my favorite out of the bunch but i've put a whole lot more on my flickr account. check it out.

i am fortunate to have this upcoming weekend off. sometime on friday i am going to have to go pick up my framed work at framewrights. on saturday evening i'll be hanging my work and the exhibit-show will run the month. i've got a little bit of work cut out for me in the next couple of days. with my new camera, the not so dinocam, i hope to bring you new, improved, current and inspiring photos. no more excuses or regret here. i have got to begin the process of building the foundation of my work. putting more time, more effort into the joy of creating. i happened to get an eggroll yesterday, later in the afternoon my fortune cookie reminded me that creating is proof of life. i appreciate that small bright thought. i'll have to write another time...too busy now. just a quickie update.

no waste wednesday

i am just going to start you off here:

1. Plastica has these great never before seen
pigeon lamps. just wish that ikea put some-
thing out that is comparible.
2. pr1mary space feature artist anna cangialosi. i have made you look before but it's a must see if you are totally in love with all things bird/owls.

3. i cannot remember where i first saw this, i cannot give credit. but man showing and telling is
the way here. i cannot stop looking at some of these great works by some very great artists.
i guess you could use this place to have your art work printed and sold. this might be an
alternative for me at some point, very very very soon. check it: blaugallery. i have too
favorites to mention.

4. tobi wood designs

5. some very cool purses for those of us who aren't sewing as well as some you brillant others.
they even have some very interesting warhol things. i especially like the parcel purses. see
shop loop.

five cool things for you to check out. today it's framewright and possibly a good meal out or something. i weighed in for the first time yesterday sense feb 14. and i've lost 3 and a half pounds. did i already mention that in yesterdays post? don't think so. but ah. i'm thinking new bathing suit. i walked last night, but i'm going to have to continue the doubling of the 13 flights of stairs.

blue leftovers

i've exhausted myself creatively. on one very heavy hand i've done all i can with 'one growth', on the other hand i am still completely displeased with this last weekends effort of major progress and finality of the piece itself. it wasn't satisfying to finish. i am confused and frustrated about why and have so much to do in such a little bit of time. really? i will try to be honest. i must comfort myself a little with reality. my difficult work is over. i just called ron at framewrights and he'll be able to do slides and frames for about eight pieces before march fourth. i am so thankful for their work and willingness. i slack when it comes to slides and framing, waiting until a show op arises. i took the self portrait after christmas mid-january. cropped the photo looks nicely balanced and ooo so emoblah (my projection).


'one growth' is partial seen, far right. although on a critic friend's advice i've removed the car in the left hand corner/sec and painted a bicycle. i suppose i began to think about the only real growth in the painting being the narcissis bulb in the center. the avocado seed far left never sprouted and (not seen) is a hard boiled egg. compositionally i'm pleased with the flow, color, and repetition. but to achieve the smoothness absolutely killed me. the painting consumed me in a way that i am not used to, leaving me a little blue and blurry.

i've got to clean up 'crimepays' and deliver my work tomorrow afternoon. i had a really nice weekend and shouldn't feel the way i do. i have begun the process of flushing the accumulation of things. beginning with the ole 45's pc-trashed and the wooden chair went to ac/lc, leaving ample room for my easel. dad and mom gave me their old pc and i am letting mb use the harddrive, we're hooking up comcast tomorrow and i'll begin the quest. kate-i tried printvista-no success or something? will try again. found a mac4 for 18hundred buckaroos via mb and wishing for a diggicam. i know that my fam and friends will want me to define my relationship with mb. aaron asked that i think about it and attempt to articulate it because i haven't. i've been refusing. i have a lifelong history of 'dating' none xtians. thus the pattern evolves. i would like to use my blog to explore my thoughts. i am inspired and called out to be more honest, just as i mention days after vday. i start and stop, start and stop. fear calls be back from rushing. i really i'm not afraid to say i do not know. i do not know. i know this...

i want to feel somewhat protected from carrying the burden alone. i want a friend to shop for a new computer with. i want someone who is honest and light, simple. not as analytical as myself. i mostly want to be thirty and not feel twelve. i want to have my work constructively criticised my a fellow artist, a peer. someone who likes the same sort of art i do see the mag's i mention in last week's no waste wednesday. i like eating at indian mahal and don't know anyone else who'd like to go there with me or even suggest we do that. i want someone to remind me everyday that smoking cigarettes is killing me and it not be my mom or my sisternlaws, no offense girls. i want to work hard for someone other than myself because i feel i won't be rewarded. i won't see the reflection of sharing. i want my strength to be balanced with specifically a man's strength-that physiological makeup of a man vs. woman thing. knowing that i am not with a believer mosdef bothers me. i will have to faceoff once again. it is too hard to trust that god will bring a xtian man into my life. i really haven't asked him to bless me in that way. i've just been floating, working, building up my own spiritual walk and relationship. i am not with mb at this point to change him or to be changed. that's where i am at right now with men in my life and what i am doing. i feel happy and less afraid. i feel solid and incontrol. i feel god. i still want his mercy and grace. i love god more than anything else in my life.