coin operated

we usually get so many gift baskets at work right before the holidaze that i end up feeling like a "starving overeater." every once in a while a nice basket is sent with fruit and muffins, tins of cookies and chocolate and 'gourmet' lemon poppy seed cheese thingys. i was fortunate to snag this beautiful pear, a treasure when ripe.

on tuesday night i went to lamar's with m.k.d, when i got home i felt ill and fell out of bed and busted my face on my nightside table. so on wednesday i felt completely horrible so i called in sick at work. thursday was a scheduled half day so i worked with a very swollen lip. its been a very embarrassing experience. but i know it was an accident too. thursday evening was a night with the parentals. and friday was new years eve, but i decided to spend the evening at home. i went and helped my brother ethan clean his office space. in the evening i watched wilco's documentary by sam jones, i am trying to break your heart. i thought the second dvd with extra/internal features was more entertaining than the actual film, but very informative, considering i didn't know what kind of crisis the band had been in with reprise records.

new years day i woke up early. i went to eat with k. knutson at sticky fingers, then we went and saw closer. the movie as i understood prior to seeing, was not entertaining. interesting and brutally honest, but probably not that realistic. i liked that it was originally a play and so the scenes were longer and filled with dialogue. poor natalie portman, poor julia, poor jude, poor other dude. if i were to act in a movie like closer or even eyes wide shut (which i've never seen), i think my personal life would suffer. i don't think i could immerse myself in a role so diluted for months on end and know how to be in a intimate relationship. its no wonder that celebrities fall apart.

one thing i do want to mention here at the beginning of the new year is a interest my mom has exposed me to. you may hate george w. bush but his council on bioethics is interesting no matter what. my mom got the 'beyond therapy (enhancement)' part. i guess you can order the discussions in book form off the site. i'm not scared, but based on my beliefs, there are issues that are underlying that have nothing to do with the war, abortion, healthcare, welfare or whose smarter. i'm sorry as i enter this new year i'm not interested in dehumanizing humanity by supporting, cloning, life extension, mood control, memory erasing, et cetera. it's worth looking at seriously. i've not even spent any real time looking but i know what i see that's already going on.

sarcastic salsa

oh you won't believe it. yesterday i had a beautiful post all lined up for the masses and whala there was a nice little power surge here at workforce uoha, lost was the beauty. abyss ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. i was so completely unhappy that all was lost, i couldn't pull it all together before five to repeat. i am back from celebrating my twenty ninth birthday, a christmas eve brawl and christmas day soup. i don't feel as though i had enough time off. there was too much to do and not enough time. as a family we are all spread out with wives and in laws and brunches, lunches and nogs. i don't think i got to sit for very long before i felt i needed to move on to the next venue. i had the most amazing time with josiah k.


for the record he is one of the most wonderful children of all time. he's an absolute joy to be with and the fact that he's the son of my best friend makes the circumstances all the better. i got to see and spend time with fenn k. on my birthday. and of course there was time for my new tiny europro II dressmaker. i made a very sarcastic salsa for xmas eve and carried it with bundles to my parentals house. i'm sure many of you know how to make your favorite salsa, but for me it's an outside the box sort of venture. just like when i make guacamole.









i went to walmart after cleaning the alexander home. the tomatoes weren't great, but i bought about two dozen anyway. i had to. martha stewart knives just don't cut it. i'd better figure out how to use my knife sharpening advantage on my can opener. anybody know?







cilantro is the way to go no matter what. the store was completely out of green onions so having the cilantro all but made up for it the missing green.







i don't know if it's worth mentioning but if you're having to slice and dice an onion, i'd suggest putting it in the freezer for a while. supposedly the poisonous tear vapors will freeze within the onion and prevent the mourning. unless of course your immune, then hooray for you.







i don't usually use fresh garlic, i'm too lazy to peel and squash, and dice. i'm able to use more if i just use the prepackaged garlic. after a day or so the salsa is just plain wonderful. i especially like it on a flatbread, but otherwise cornchips are sufficient.

i wanted to make mention of the fact that hello kitty turns thirty. i'm off on thursday and friday. woohoo... and tonight jairus is playing at lamar's it's a free show so you should come out if you can. it should be lots o' end of year fun.

differences and baking

i know i haven't been around here lately very much. i suppose last week was the epitome of crazy, emotionally draining and something far beyond what words could describe. i don't exactly remember where i left off. so i'll beginning by saying that tonight is the annual collier cookie baking evening.

this past friday was my office christmas party. so we drove back from franklin, tn and changed clothes in the office then headed over to the mountain city club for dinner, dancing, jewelry and bonus check. i had a fair vegetable plate and some gin and tonics that were made with sky vodka. not so fantastic, but suitable. on saturday i went shopping for gifts for family and friends. i got everything that i was looking for and more. a very nice pair of light blue cords from kmart. horray. yummy warm and cozy while the temps are in the teens. the last pair of cords i got were from oldnavy and that was before the h.f. i took five collages to kinkos to have cards made. i had one hundred made so far. not as pleased with the outcome, but they are still nice. it may have been the person doing the copying for me. but i know one thing, they're going to look great after they're embellished a tad. i can't wait until the latter part of this week. i've got to finish wrapping the many gifts galore and clean up the a.p.t. i'd like to have friends over on thursday, but we'll see how that goes. i really love the photo below. it reminds me of a veer photo. i took it several weeks ago, here at work. on our beautiful aqua colored desks/countertops.



i am also making some changes in another area of my life. i think my path is leading me in a different direction so the last week has been difficult and totally reflective, prayerful, and contemplative. i have been frightened of this time because in the long run i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. i really want to start a family of my own. i'm not afraid to say it. this rugged female individualism has gotten quite old and i'm over it. god created me for a reason, i know that. i may spend my whole life figuring out what the reasons are though. the bottom line for me is trusting god to be my provider, my comfort, my peace, my husband, my friend, et cetera. i can't imagine what tomorrow will be like, i could sit and wait in fear or i could take a step in faith and allow god to support my footing. i know friendships and loves have seasons. i also know how seeds are planted and traffic gets jammed. i'm not sure if i was personally ready to make a change but i felt the feeling seeping up around my ankles. i needed to do something, something different than i'd ever done before. so much of my life has been driven my fear and pride, it's quite unbearable. i want to change that, i want god to know that he can have me. he can use me. i really won't ever have any idea the influences i've shed or that have been shed upon me. i know that i have been loved and know that i have grown and i am so thankful that god uses my indecision and doubt for my own good, for his glory.



tomorrow i'm taking carolyn in the city to atlanta to the airport. then i'm off to see the small but lovely knutson family. i cannot wait to see josiah.

heart nest

the day before yesterday was a year that the 45 and i have been together. or at least soon after the day before yesterday, a year ago. he brought me twelve pink roses the day before my birthday last year. i almost died with jittery overwhelming glee. no one had ever made an effort to give me flowers for my birthday before. he came with me to my office christmas party and we spent new years at the local. by january we were talking about him moving to honolulu. then in late february he left. he flew me out to hnl in may, later i saw him in early september. i have not seen him again. we are fortunate to have a cellphone way of talking every day and there are emailings and blogs. technology has made the long distance a tad more bearable, otherwise i'd have gone bananas. i wrote him a letter last night. i wrote that the boys i have seen before had arms, but he had a heart-nest, i'll take my chipped blue robins egg gladly lie it in his nest. where i can be still, warm and resting.

we are both older and this relationship we have isn't a game. it is difficult for us to think beyond our age, when i comes to relating. we know we've got a bit of an advantage over the puppyloving youthful relationships. my desire is for us to define a faith that is unified in christ. there is also the question of whether or not he can be the best provider. the best protector. i have to ask myself if i'll beable to follow or be led. i think now that its been a year the 45 has much pressure and circumstances for him have to be just right. i understand. i wonder if other people think this much when in our position. i have this feeling that in youth, people aren't compelled to ask as many questions. whatever the case maybe. my prayer is that god gives me humility, comfort and strength. i must have great wisdom and courage in order to conduct myself appropriately in this fine relationship. god is working in jas and i, there isn't like a void of growth here. but his continued blessings and direction are necessary inorder for us to proceed.

phantom tree

not quite rooted but revered
every turn tumultuously carrying the
ties that bind us to a seed planted
i am with you when the year beginnings
as a bud appears, a reach to exchange
i am waiting for you in the summer
as our leaves like hands find refuge
in each other, my shaded protector.
i'll find you in the fall, in a blush
of color, once we were tall, do you
hear the call. our death is a whispering
wintry wind. our branches broken
our roots frozen. a cold quiet
friendship forsaken.



my weekend was spent mostly babysitting. on friday evening i went to a coworkers home to play with her little boy, while she went out with other coworkers for a birthday party. i enjoyed myself except the house was slightly chilly and i wore my outside coat inside the whole time. the nice thing was that i could get my christmas cards all written out and ready to go. but gosh television on friday night literally stinks. i'd rather take a bath in mud than watch JAG. on saturday i started another list of christmas cards and finally decided i needed to get to the parentals to do laundry. while at mom and pops i soaked up reality televisions america's hottest model and more favorably project runway. i had a nice evening there with s.moore.

suzanne is such a wonderful gift to our family. i didn't grow up with a sister, but now god has given me one. she and i are really quite different. i tend to be less enthusiastic. suzanne is cheerful, happy, and so loving. she's a smile that isn't easily erased or ignored. even though i am older i feel as though she has embraced me more and i have let the friendship and sisterhood take it's natural progression. we have art in common and because she's much more girly than i am it's fun to talk with her, brings out our blessed differences.

on sunday i babysat again. this round presented itself a little bit more challenging, but just as fun and learning filled. i watched five children, aged 8-3. noelle, woodsen, monique, levi, and marielle. i'm telling you five kids under the age of eight is a total adventure extravaganza. i had so much fun though i thought i might not every revert back to being an adult. noelle found my dinocam and i taught her how to take photos. she ended up taking over a hundred photos yesterday. i'm so excited, most of them turned out really nicely. i cannot wait to show you her work. she's got the creative blood in her, but she's still young, so there's all this room to grow yet. noelle got a hamster for her birthday, it ran around the house with the kids in its ball. so hilarious. we spent the afternoon riding bikes, rollerblading and climbing the crape myrtle's lining the street. marielle decide she wanted me to have a tattoo on my hand so she colored my entire left had blue, green and yellow. she then proceeded to color her entire left leg. she looked as though she was turning into a lizard. kids are so amazing, it blows my mind. i don't ever remember being the way kids are nowadays.

i have still a load of thought upon my mind. but i wanted to give a shout out to jennifer and josh kringe. today is their one year anniversary. if you're out there fenn give me a halla!!! i have no plans this evening, but i may try and work on some garland to put around my apartment. i have some bare areas that need a holiday spice up.

my mommom informed me that all she knows about brooches is that she doesn't like them at all. so she doesn't wear them. if it weren't for my poppop she wouldn't even wear any jewelry in the first place. oh well, we've got our answer about brooches.