framewright-ING

i believe i've been overwhelmed in the last week. many thoughts and ideas, emotions, plans and have-tos caught up with me. so my week was spent facing the facts, towing the line, tying up lose ends and finally calling in sick on monday morning. i'd like to make a suggestion to those of you still suffering the aches and pains of campaign 2004. find yourself neatly reading this. it may give a line of hope, like a line of coke.

on friday night i went to see alfie. it was not a very good film at all. i was not impressed, instead i was very disappointed. we all were disappointed. it wasn't so much jude law as the content, the constant narrative, the female crackups. poor music choices too. but the nicer things about the film were the clip edits and color combinations. there were also these little interesting things going on with words in the background of the scene. large words like search or pursue on billboards and bus-stop benches. i didn't feel like the words were very symbolic, more like over simplified suggestions or analytical archs already swaying. the movie wasn't sad or really that thought provoking. just a little there.

before the film we were invited to the TVA control room. it was like no other experience i've ever had. i was inspired by the beauty and modernity of the room itself. it was clean and sterile and reminscent of nasa's control room. not that i've been invited to nasa. a very kind man decided he'd tell us everything and so we stood eyes wide, mouths agape, listening to the in and outs. i asked him about the new york blackouts, 9/11, and raccoon mountain. i ask about how cost was dictated and the history of technology. it was so wonderful catch a glimpse of something that in itself may seem simple, but at closer inspection blows the minds eye. i would love to beable to replicate what i saw in some creative way. light has consistently intrigued me and i'm inspired by any sort.

saturday i went to atlanta to take my...


mourning after

i've been noticing the mourning after reactions of people around the country, to the results of the 2004 Election. i have not felt the sadness or excitement. i'm surprised at the reactions. it is difficult to understand because at different times i have felt so neutral. it is interesting to me that many people become very emotional. i have expressed my frustration, but i feel like it is rooted in something quite different. i am taken aback by anger or resentment. i think i understand why some people have felt that george w. bush has destroyed the last four years. again that's why i poised the questions that i did. the war. abortion. gay marriage. healthcare. education. taxes. deficit. economy. foriegn relations.

the issue i care more about than any other is healthcare. isn't that interesting sense i work in an oncology and hematology, three doctor practice. i think my brother aaron was really concerned about the educational issues because he is a teacher.

aaron hung up on me last night on the telephone. he was excited in the midst of the evening but when the media showed george w. in the white house, all smiles and thumbs up, aaron became angry. he felt, as i do, that last night was the american peoples night. the candidates spent the last year campaigning, the white house view gave george the opportunity to gloat and campaign again. i started to think and converse with aaron about this further. i have always wanted to get at the root of aaron's feelings. one of the things he said was that many who hate bush are uninformed. it is a disservice to the democratic party. i want to understand why people who are knowledgeable dislike bush so much. a conclusion i have come up with is this idea of american supremacy. american supremacy plays itself out in our role in the war. it plays a role in foriegn policy. it plays a role in our economy. our job growth, educational purpose, and healthcare standards. it plays a role in how we raise our children, buy our homes and cars. american supremacy is a standard we uphold, it becomes how we view ourselves.

i think george's decision to wage war in iraq was driven by that standard. a standard that is made up of freedom for all, given to us by the "almighty." a standard that drives arrogance, pride, fear and ignorance on many different levels, depending on your demographic. it is a standard that drives capitalism and great wealth. i believe many americans disagreed with the war because they weren't sure of bush's intentions. they questioned the right we have to grant freedom to others. they questioned the sole responsibility we took in iraq without the aid of France and Germany. they questioned why we weren't engaging afghanistan in the war against terrorism.

if the government was unwilling to work with the UN to fight terrorism in iraq then i see how many people struggled with the thought of american supremacy. but i would like to compare the idea of american supremacy with the standard we live by. the reason we are able to have million dollar homes, million dollar cars, million dollar educations, and million dollar make overs is because of that standard. the idea that america has the best plastic surgeons, neighborhoods, schools, jobs, movies, fastfood, streets, homes, lawyers, doctors, hospitals or malls is because of that standard of american supremacy. whose complaining when they have cancer. i don't see people going to somalia to have transplants or radiation. i don't see people going to iraq with their suvs to get gas. i don't see people signing up to give half their savings to twelve year old pregnant acid burnt afghan females. i don't see people sending their children over to europe to get an education or a job. if people are worried about the outsourcing of jobs maybe they shouldn't be so picky about being a garbageman or streetsweeper. maybe people should want to figure out how to make better cellphones in this country. maybe women shouldn't be so concerned about working for the newest gucci bag or bermuda vacation, maybe they should be more concerned about who's teaching their children to talk. maybe we don't need the newest nike shoes or flatscreen televisions. the american people no longer want to work for anything. i see it everyday. people who want something for nothing. people who feel they deserve to own a home or car. people who feel they deserve to have money and families simultaneously. i think the fact of the matter is that all people deserve the best of what they can get.

the reason i started this thought process was because i heard terry gross last night with T.R. Reid . He has written a new book regarding the end of the american supremacy. when thinking about the president and john kerry i would compare their words against this idea. kerry really seems to want to have a global standard or peace that revolves around a community effort or nationwide effort. i think inorder to do this, people are going to have to lower their standards of living. the giving and service that is required of american people to bring peace in the rest of the world does not lie solely on the american troops. with supremacy there must also come humility. george w. on the other hand is resolved to uphold the american standard of living and at the same time bring peace to the rest of the world. regardless of what other countries want or what the american people are willing to give up inorder to do so. but you'll hear him encourage us to take responsibility for ourselves. for our own actions, for our own behavior. i believe that bush and kerry both want the same things. it's hard to be angry or hate either one. i find myself either hating both of them or feeling neutral towards both of them. i find myself favoring the libertarian party more frequently than not. because i want to be held accountable. i don't want to blame anyone for my life's failings. i don't want to be angry. i want to see peace in our country and other countries. i want to be responsible for that peace though. i don't want to give the government anymore control over my peace. i don't want to give the government anymore control over the freedom of other countries. if we are in a cultural divide, it is not because of bush or kerry. it is because americans do not want to be held accountable for their actions. that goes for the rich, poor, educated, uneducated, sick, or healthy. if we are in a cultural divide it is because of an absolute that many people want to uphold. if we are in a cultural divide it is because of the pluralistic society we live in. we are living in a "it's all good" society.

i have felt for many months that our country will indeed crumble, many americans feel the united states is much like the roman empire. i'm not exactly sure of that. aaron told me last night that he doesn't want to raise his children in the roman empire. i will encourage those of you who are displeased to move forward. kerry and bush have both encouraged us to move forward. i feel as though the only turn in our society will come from a spiritual revolution. i have strong religious beliefs that aren't predicting anything of the sort. but i feel the pressure mounting. i will give those of you mourning your loss time to recover, but what will you do after mourning?


ghetto chews

a rich creamy chew full of the ghetto. colorful and bright as the noonday sun.

i'm in good spirits, but nervous. i actually got to go and vote this afternoon. i was concerned about the process because earlier in august i sent my voter's registration card back with a change of address. i never received anything back from the election commission. so this morning i got on the www and got the telephone number, so that i could call and ask if i was on the list. sure enough. i didn't have to show my card or license. i went to mlk blvd a ghetto sortof place in which i became the minority. i was excited and felt liberated by the act of voting. all of this time spent reading, listening, analyzing and dreading the day and the burden has finally been lifted. so much of my anxiety has nothing really to do with who wins/loses, it has more to do with my ability to take responsibility for what actually happens. now that i've made my choice i am free from defending or offending. it is over and there is nothing i can do about it now. i'm not as concerned about waiting the evening out either. it is easy to say that everything happens for a reason, sometimes it's harder to believe, but i'm reminding myself that my affection or disgust will not make a difference. it is my heart that prepares a way for me in peace and trust.

so maybe i was a little harsh or stoic in my approach to the 2004 Election yesterday. i was asking myself those sorts of questions. one thing that settled my thoughts a bit was frontline. it was less of an attack on either candidate and more of historical account. it really pointed out the positive and the negative aspects of each bush and kerry. i liked the documentary style too, but that's beside the point.

oh and please look at this. i love this little boy. i love this little boy. i was fortunate enough to watch him come into this world. he won't like me very much when he gets older. i won't be as cool to play with, but he's having a baby brother or sister soon and i'll be falling in love all over again. i'm hoping sort of that i won't be in honolulu quite yet so that i can see this new baby in may. i also have the 4Bridges to look forward to. i'm outta here. peace brothers and sisters.

will i vote

i am not confused about who to vote for here. today i saw a news segment on single women who do not vote or who are confused about who to vote for. that is not the case for this single female. i am concerned about Decision 2004, but i am not going to waiver in opinion or standard. i will respect and honor whichever man wins the presidency as well. i do think that the american people have forgotten post 9/11 though. i do believe american people have an extremely high standard of living. i do believe that the american people have really nothing to complain about. those of you who want to leave and move to another country i definitely would appreciate seeing you do that. i would encourage you to set an example so that others might see the success or non success you have. moving away is not a bad solution if you feel so inclined. aren't you thankful for the freedom you have to move if you chose? but many people threaten and their words speak louder than their actions. which is usually the case with anyone who feels/complains about being oppressed.

i suppose i want to know how the last four years have affected you. have you lost your job? are you starving? are you paying more taxes? did you get your prescription drugs? did you take advantage of generic drugs? did you go to the ER for a regular check up? can your sixth grade child read at a sixth grade level? did your doctor turn you away? was after school care provided for your children? were you beaten down by a cop? were you not able to get married to your same sex partner? were you able to get an abortion? are you dying from parkinson's? did you get a raise or a bonus? did the air in your city make you choke? did your husband, brother, sister, wife get shipped off to iraq? have you 'lost' a loved one? have you gone through the drive-thru window this year to get something to eat? were you able to get the surgery you needed? did you speak up for your rights? were you restricted from speaking your mind? did bush just piss you off or are you a fair weather fan? was your home destroyed by terrorists? did you get funding to rebuild from the american red cross, fema or the federal government? did john kerry knock on your door and ask you for your vote? have you ever been called and asked to participate in a poll? any poll, ever? doesn't john kerry remind you of your pastor?

i just want to know. is it complicated? who made it complicated? what has michael moore done for you lately? is the media paying your taxes or are you? is the media teaching your children how to read and eventually get a job or are your local schools? did barbara walters agree to educate the next 100 immigrants? when have you taken the time to take responsibility for yourself? are you the one making this more complicated?

i worry not about the future president or the government. i worry about the american people. the society. who are you listening to and why? it is distressing to see more cops on the roads because people no longer take responsibility while they are driving. it's depressing that cops have to be in schools to control violence and drugs. i am frustrated because there are speed bumps because people don't drive the speed limit (even though that in itself keeps cops of the roads). i am frustrated when people are dying from being so obese. i am frustrated because insurance companies and drug manufacturing companies are for profit because there are people who are dying from being obese. i am frustrated because israel and pakistan continue to fight. i am sad because many american men and women must fight for others because they cannot fight for themselves. i am sad for the elderly without a drug prescription plan or social security. i am sad the babyboomers have to sell their suvs because they no longer can afford the gas. i am frustrated by the gas prices. i am mad the healthcare system has been ignored. but i am not afraid of our government. i am not afraid of george bush or john kerry. i am not afraid of osama bin laden. i am not afraid of terrorism. i am not afraid of the republicans or the democrats. i am afraid for you. so why is it john kerry's fault? why is it bush's fault? my belief is that i have no one to blame but myself. you have no one to blame but yourself...

hear no boo



awh, today would be just another day, if it weren't boo halloween. i'm not the celebratory type, but the workforce pushes the enevelope. so i'm here as a soccer player. there are hippies, a nun, and genie too. the excuse is that the "patients" like the costumes. i'm not so sure. i look like a little kid getting ready to go play a game. how can i be taken seriously here. i have a hard enough time. carla dressed up like a trucker, i'd say she wins the prize for most disguised. i always threaten to be invisible on halloween. there are quizzical stares and wonderings and then a lightbulb allows my coworkers to understand my statement. they just think that i'm weird because i don't want to dress up for halloween. it's not a holiday and i'm not so sure i know in my heart what scares me more. the adult desire to revert or the mountains of peanutbutter balls, chocolate covered pretzels, cupcakes, and chips/dips. i'll be a rolly polly soccer ball next year that i can guarantee. for me it's an excuse to wear my hair in pigtails. i also didn't have to do a lick of laundry last night inorder to wear clothing to work today.

i'm going to a little fall festival with my aunt c. tonight. then i might just hang out at home and watch joan of arcadia. there's no telling the evening shall be a mystery. tomorrow and the rest of the weekend i have no plans. i should finish the painting of the bicycle and plan for the next couple of weeks. i've got to get down to atlanta to take a picture of kate's display tent. oooooh brother. i don't have much time. and the financial aspect is going to hinder me if i'm not careful. one thing i know for sure is that as soon as i get the oppurtunity things will take off. i just need to be given a chance.

there's a project going on over here. i saw this picture of the doll dressed in a bee costume and thought that it would make a good project theme. but you know there are a few crafty girls out there already doing scarey dolls. yikezers!!! i do think what they create is absolutely wunderbar though. i'm thankful for the different inspiration. way to go!


i really like the colors in the boo halloween poster too. do you guys remember robert indiana? he is the artist who created love. it is now all over the world, but he's got quite a gaggle of other nice work. what happened to beautiful billboards and signs?
. i'd like to work on some signage someday. what would your signs say?

well i'm sure i have expired my welcome. this weekend should be the fruition of an idea i've had for sometime now. i'll keep you all informed.
have boobug halloween. yuck...